To Remember

I don’t want to be morbid….which I actually have the tendency to do…Hell, my high school career questionnaire scored me as #1 A Funeral Parlor Director and #2 A Grave Digger…and I guess my obsession with the HBO Series ‘Six Feet Under’ doesn’t oppose this tendency either…But if my mind were to go or I should die tomorrow, there are some things I want to remember and would like for others to remember me about me…

I want to remember to live life not so seriously, enjoy everyday, see God’s beauty, and share the love God gave me with others—I know sometimes I will succeed and most of the time I will fail…but I hope to remember…

I want others to remember me as one who was real and honest, one who loved—deeply and sincerely. I think my honesty freaks people out…this has undeniably scared the opposite sex away, and probably even friendships in my past…But I want others to see me as someone who knew her flaws, limitations, imperfections…I will be the first to tell you I am disorganized, flighty, even flaky…that my house is never clean, my brain is scattered…I forget things, I am not always a good listener…and while the list goes on, that I never pretended to be anything else than who God made to be… I think we need a sense of peace and freedom to express ourselves, our true selves…My sister whom I love to death is a vault and doesn’t share much with others...Maybe that works for her? But that is not who I am, not how God designed me…And I don’t want to be ashamed anymore for expressing myself in my own way…I think if more of us were honest we would have a better understanding of each other and where they are coming from…And above all else, I want others to remember me as loving God and others—deeply and sincerely…even when I messed up, when I showed my humanity, when I let anger, rebellion control me--that deep down my heart was hopefully in the right place and I tried to seek out love…A love despite people’s background, race, culture, past decisions, ect…that I tried to see the good in people…And although it had burned me several times, that I still tried to see the good, be open and real, and truly love without exceptions…well maybe, perhaps, sometimes, most of the time, others can remember...