Introduction

I have been in American Samoa over a year now. For those of you who don't know me or where that is...my name is Jamie Stevens, a brown eyed girl from Virginia and I currently live on a small island in the South Pacific. What am I doing here you may ask? I am a Physician Assistant repaying my debt to the National Health Service Corps...I am wondering why I didn't start this earlier...as a way of therapy, self-realization...I started thinking this last Easter weekend when I was in Ofu (pic above-one of the smaller AS islands...truly heaven on earth)...It came about reading a journal I started but never commited to when I first got down here...I began to think about how far I have come since then, what God has taught me and how important it was for me to write it down. First of all, I think I need to go back a year and share my pit of what I thought was despair. I decided to share what I wrote back in February 2009...last year.

'So I have been here a month to the day and I haven't started this journal. I arrived in American Samoa January 15, 2009. I can't believe it is 2009, it is weird to write that as the date. So I am truly alone for probably the first time in my life...thousands of miles from home. Now I am looking at the ocean trying to navigationally find my way home from here...is it straight ahead or behind me...if I was to look to the right would that be correct? Difficult to say, but all in all it doesn't matter because I am here for two years. I am trying to embrace the art of relaxation here. If there is an art of being alone I must embrace that also and learn to adapt...my survival depends on it. Sounds drastic but that is how I am looking at life after sleepless nights and cries turned into retching. How can being alone affect a person that much? Being a Psychology major, I refer to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and try to remember where companionship fits into that. Lately I have been living my life with companionship as my foundation and it has left me broken-hearted, bitter, and alone. Therefore, I am choosing to embrace myself and God as my foundation. That's all I have right now so it makes sense...'

So I had just gotten out of a REALLY bad relationship when I first got down here, (which I am sure I will write about later)...But when I look at what I wrote then, I can't believe how lonely I really felt (feelings are a funny thing, can be so damn consuming if we let them)...Was it really that bad? I have to say, things have gotten much better in the last year...and I think I am learning to embrace lonliness...attempting seperation from all that is known and familiar...from my culture, my family, friends; from the world and wordly possessions...and I am also working out a realization that I am never truly alone because I have the Creator whom I call God with me, always...no matter where I may be physically. Lastly, I am realizing that deciding to move here is all in God's great plan even if it is a 15 hour plane ride from home. I can't wait to share more!